Dear Karinna,

I was going out with a guy for 5 months while we lived in 2 different cities in Asia. (He is British and I am Chinese.) We shared great happiness together and saw each other every 2 weeks. Recently he was sent to Europe for good for his work. Now he is so busy with his new assignment that we are not communicating as often as we did before. How should I approach the situation when I still feel so much for him? Thanks.

–P.

Dear P.,

There is nothing better than just being straight-forward in a relationship. Don’t beat around the bush. Let him know that you really care for him and want to know how he feels about continuing your wonderful relationship.

Although it seems quite far, you can maintain a great relationship continents apart. I had two friends who dated when she was living in Hong Kong and he was living in New York for 5 years before they got married. The arrangement really worked for them as they both had business in these two parts of the world and then they would have very romantic meetings together over that period of time in different destinations.

If he really loves you, he will be straight with you too and let you know if he thinks he can handle a long distance relationship such as this or not.

If you are faced with moving out of the relationship because of distance difficulties for him then that is a tough transition to go through. The good news is that you have loved and enjoyed greatly and you never know how this experience has opened and shaped you for a more beautiful future relationship. It is all in the way you choose to perceive it.

If he is up for sincerely continuing the relationship start making plans to see each other. My suggestion, if possible, is to make sure you see each other every two months and at the latest three. If you were in two different Asian cities throughout your initial romance you were used to traveling to meet each other. Make this period even more of a romantic adventure– meet in the middle in an exotic location or fly over to where he lives and works now and “play house.” See what you think about making it a future home.

If traveling that often is not possible– or even if it is– use a video internet phone to call and see each other. You can even have dinner together over the internet every night and then it won’t feel like you are so far apart at all.

Five months is not a super long time to be in a relationship, but it is enough to decide whether you are going to go to the next stage of relationship commitment. You will need to discuss what this might look like…. would it be dating for a certain length of time long distance and then having a plan to live together or get married? Or would it be moving to the other’s city now? (This would take one of you having the flexibility to be able to move to the other’s local, and it looks like that would depend on you as it doesn’t seem like he is flexible to be able to move at the moment.)

Whatever road this relationship will ultimately lead you down make sure that you honor yourself all along the way, be straight-forward, communicate your feelings, and ask for what you need in the relationship. Don’t be afraid to find out his feelings and level of commitment to your relationship right now so that you can take the most loving and healthy path for you whether that is closer together in love or moving towards a new love closer to home who will be more perfect for you.

Wishing You Sacred Love,
Karinna Kittles-Karsten